A Learning Curve

Calm in the Storm

     The baby cries in her arms continuously and just when she slowly drifts off to sleep, she quickly and literally jerks herself awake, and starts a shrilling cry, again. She senses the caretaker’s tension and frustration and refuses to be soothed.

 Leisa’s remains ever so still as she inhales a long and deep breath, causing her chest and the baby to rise. She then slowly exhales, releasing the tension and the stress. She envelops the child in a bubble of the inhale and the exhale of each breath. This is referred to as a “circulation meditation”, inhale up the front, and exhale down the back letting the stress flow down the back. In time the baby begins to follow Leisa breath and falls asleep. Hopefully; it will be more than a few minutes. L.Mulaki (email communication, February 18, 2013)

Leisa is the Lead Teacher at Emma’s Playhouse, the crisis drop-in childcare at the YWCA Domestic Violence Women’s Shelter. Leisa works with the children who are caught in the middle of Domestic Violence.

     Children are sometimes the hidden victims of domestic violence. When a family comes to the shelter they are in crisis, they are in need of the most essentials things, and not just food and shelter, but for someone to listen to them, someone to understand, and someone to help them help themselves. Most often the initial focus is with the parent, some programs may feel less equipped to work with the children and their unique needs.  Painful, scary and overwhelming experiences witnessed by children in domestic violence can profoundly impact them throughout their lives. Some research has suggested that this is similar to, if not the same as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder suffered by adults.

     The United States Department of Health and Human Services has established the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) a network that  has combined the knowledge of child development, expertise in children’s traumatic experiences, and dedicated  evidence-based practices, the NCTSN changes the course of children’s lives by changing the course of their care.

    They work together with communities, health care agencies as well as direct care givers and advocates to educate and support those who serve children and their families and to bring awareness to the serious impact of child traumatic stress. (NCTN, 2012

     The facts are: On average, more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States (U.S. DOJ, 2006) and women experience two million injuries from intimate partner violence each year ( CDC, 2008)  Almost Thirty million American children will be exposed to family violence by the time they are seventeen years old. One in four American children will experience violence between their parents.

( Hamby, Finkelhor, Turner, Ormord, 2011)  Children that are exposed to violence are more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away, engage in teenage prostitution, and commit sexual crimes.( Wolfe, Wekerle, Reitzel, Gough, 1995)

     Even when they are safe and no longer living in the trauma they will exhibit many social and behavioral problems, some of these may be sleep or eating disruptions, withdrawal or lack of responsiveness, emotional numbness, crying inconsolably, developmental regression, loss of acquired skills such as toilet training, or reversion to earlier behaviors, such as asking for a bottle. Traumatized infants have a unique cry, it is a sustained cry that can last for hours, and they will not eat and will actively wake themselves up even if they are exhausted.

     The men and women who work with these special children have a deep sense of compassion; even just approaching these children requires a very slow and tender loving care, but also the ability to separate themselves from the behavior and the trauma that surrounds them

     Mindfulness and meditation is a perfect fit for the unique and individual challenges these children face.  Being aware of each and every moment, and focusing on the child’s needs at that moment. Being still enough to sense the child’s fears and help the child create her own calming place.

      Leisa M. shares her encounter with a toddler;  notice how she is mindful of all that surrounds her and the child, even when she doesn’t understand, she still defers to the child, being still and observant to each moment of the encounter.

      “I have observed that children who live in violence are highly sensitive, they are likely to express their inner turmoil and their mother’s turmoil through what looks like a tantrum. Lying on the floor screaming, crying, and hitting their head or some other part of their bodies, the toddler, like the infant, needs to physically discharge their emotions”.

     “I clear a large space around her; sit on my knees on the floor near her in a parallel position not opposite them, this seems to matter why I don’tknow. Without speaking I begin the circulation meditation with my full attention on all my senses, all my emotions, I inhale and exhale deeply, allowing her to hear my breathing, we begin to breathe together. When there is a break in the crying I speak ever so softly, “it’s okay, it’s Okay.” This is our first contact, if my words are met with more crying, I turn away (limited eye contact) and resume my meditation

      If  I am received, I will see if the child will let me touch her shoes, (yes, her shoes) if that works then maybe her hand or elbow. Eventually I will show my open hands and sit criss cross inviting the child to sit on my lap. It may take time but sooner or later they all will crawl into my lap, and we will continue to breathe together.

  Touching a toddler’s shoes has to do with their toes, and it brings the child’s attention their feet, toddlers are all about their feet, it gives them a sense of being grounded.” (Leisa M)

   Leisa M. lives the true principle to BE STILL. This is such a great gift, one in which I strive to work on each and every day. I think that it is great that families in crisis are able to find for themselves a place to Be Still. And it is with sincere practitioners like Leisa that aloow the palce to find that peac for themselves.

References

 Adverse Health Conditions and Health Risk Behaviors Associated with Intimate Partner Violence --- United States, 2005." (n.d.): n. pag. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 8 Feb. 2008. Web. 03 Mar. 2013

Hamby, S., D. Finkelhor, H. Turner, and R. Ormrod. Children’s Exposure to Intimate Partner Violence and Other Family Violence. Publication no. NCJ 232272. Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, n.d. Web. 1 Mar. 2011. www.ojp.usdoj.gov

National Child Traumatic Stress Network, Domestic Violence Collaborative Group. (2010). Domestic violence and children: Questions and answers for domestic violence project advocates. Los Angeles, CA, and Durham, NC: National Center for Child Traumatic Stress. Web. 03 Mar.2011

Wolfe, D.A., Wekerle, C., Reitzel, D. and Gough, R. 1995. “Strategies to Address Violence in the Lives of High Risk Youth.” In Ending the Cycle of Violence: Community Responses to Children of Battered Women, edited by E. Peled, P.G. Jaffe and J.L Edleson. New York, NY: Sage Publications. Web. 01 Mar. 2013